I'm at candlelit dinner.
I'm the furthest I could get from being home
But still I see every new place as sequels but without the people I could call my closest friends.
And I'm not safe I'm a sinner.
It doesn't mean as much to me as it to you.
A town that's built on the stairs of a steeple.
And a distorted sense of being who you really are
You’re not as hot as that.
And I was thrown out of privilege.
Into an all inclusive college in the city.
Now I've got a friend who's real name is Améthyste.
And a reason why I’m never going home.
Cos’ when I come back to visit.
And see my friends are huddled close into a corner.
And they tell me that they're happy to hear it.
But their eyes say, "Max, just get out while you can"
Well I won’t wanna go.
"I'm scared to leave you here.
We laugh we disappear.
Too drunk to jump
You laughed about it all.
I know it's home
But really it's just walls.
Not even Truman had it all.”
And when I look at back at 18.
We’ll be driving to go see some things forgotten
Then our cell phones wouldn’t do it much justice
But we were happy just to talk about the world.
And I was happy just to want something so bad.
And I was happy just to be without a care for once
A momma’s boy cos’ who would want to be anything else?
I wanted innocence belligerent to not being myself.
I’m happy saying what I want and being sprawled up on the couch with Leah Block
or using chalk to paint the driveways with ourselves
And cracking jokes that didn’t hurt
and cracking jokes that didn’t hurt
and being young and out of breath
cause we were running to get anywhere but where we ended up.
Yea pain is always so abrupt.
It doesn’t come in waves like rainy days.
It hits you and it sucks
But hell it’s how you gotta grow
and get to where you need to go
and sure I miss my home a lot but more the friends I got to know
but now I get to watch them grow
and figure life out on their own
and maybe someday we’ll all laugh about the things we still don’t know.
and so it’s time to let you go
and so it’s time to let you go
yea Leah Block I love you still but I don’t wanna hold you back no more.
"I'm scared to leave this here.
We laugh we disappear.
Too drunk to jump
we laughed about it all.
I know it's home
But really it's just walls.
Not even Truman had it all.”
“Hold down this fort.
I'm know it's hard.
But I've been there and back now.
I hate it all.
We don't fit in anywhere."
credits
from Macaulay Culkin/Sigmund Freud,
track released January 24, 2016
Written by Max DiRado
Recorded and Mixed by Brad McCarthy
Album Cover by ALBERT RANO
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